Seriously??? Damn it! literature is fucking hard okay??? i mean i've just started reading on 'The Duchess of Malfi' (Finally!) and damn! it aint frickin easy to picture the whole story considering i dont even know what the hell their sayin! I know its my own fault for not entering class during the lesson course of this play but hey, we only started this play 2 weeks before the exams started soo even if i attended, there wouldn't be much time to finish it considering the amount of time it takes to analyse just one scene of the play during classes! Plus, even when attending Lit classes, i'll probably fall asleep like i always do, hence the title as 'sleeping beauty'. Dont get me wrong, Lit is my best subject but its subject im really bored with! If i understood the play completely then i'll probably love it but since most of the plays that we study for literature use some sorta shakesperean language i am totally baffled by it hence not loving it! Plus, this is the first literature 'book' that i have total difficulty in finding the notes online, i mean damn! I have to pay just to read the analysis and study guide for the play??? What is up with that? Greedy lil bitches!!!
To tell you the truth, literature is the subject im most afraid of cause im just not sure about my potential. I got an A for my AS but im not sure its due to luck or just true talent cause i totally didn't give a 100% during the AS. Thats why im so scared cause with literature, everything is unexpected, your analysis might be damn great but f the marker is not in sync with your idea thn you'll probably get screwed. I think my ideas are great but sometimes my analysis runs way too deep which is actually good but will the marker get me? That is the big fat question! Im seriously effing scared yo! I would probably be ok if i had someone to study with for Lit but damn! I am totally anti-social during lit classes except to very few people cause basically, Lit students are mostly made up by the higher-ups. Higher-ups are people who are on the top of the social popularity list, they are upper class kids who i presume have fun by attending parties and social events and whatsoever. Their kinda like the norms, perfect to say the least and i just cant bear to start conversations with them. I feel so low when im in their company and i dunno why considering know most of the higher-ups because i went to the same school as them. Even back then they were like the 'everybody knows us'... Its not that their snobs but iits evident that the way they act reflects their social and economic status. People like me dont mix with them, i kinda belonged with the juvenile group where we just joke around all the time and disrupting class by my damn loud laugh. Anyways, i like them but i just cant find common ground with them thus i am unable to interact with them.
But there are higher-ups exceptions like Munii, she's a higher-up but also mix with the rugged higher-ups, rugged higher-ups are more or less the same but their fun includes some deviant acts like smoking, drinking and whatever that is deviant, this also includes wild parties. My kind are well with the rugged higher-ups cause they tend to be more open, humble and non-judgemental but still, higher-ups are higher-ups, we dont mix with them that much... Anyways, this is why Lit is hard for me, i lack focus and i lack companions to discuss it with sooo with all my heart, i hope that i dont screw this cause im still eyeing that Lit scholarship....
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